Unconventional Ways To Market Your Book (Satire)

In this day and age, it takes something extra to promote your writing. For many people, this includes making a blog (such as myself). However, there are some novel ways to market your novel, if you are willing to put in the work. 

1. Carrier Pigeon 

Carrier Pigeons are extremely underrated, especially when it comes to promoting a book. Simply attach your novel to a flock of birds, page by page. Ensure that this is done in a professional manner with trained pigeons, which are treated humanely. It pays to have the birds disperse your novel over open water, so the (laminated) pages can drift ashore. The exposure gained from such a stunt is priceless. Note: Make sure that the pages are printed on and laminated with a biodegradeable material made exclusively from kelp. Additional Note: It is not adviseable to do this. 

2. Messages In a Bottle

We are all familiar with the fabled "message in a bottle". Unfortunately, this art is considered archaic. However, most every novel can easily be marketed by printing it down to a size capable of fitting inside of a bottle. Care must be taken in order not to pollute the environment, meaning you should not attempt to do this stunt if you do not have access to 100% kelp bottles and 100% kelp paper for your novel to be printed on. Furthermore, all of the ink utilized to print your novel onto the kelp paper should be from sustainably sourced squid ink. Lastly, only introduce your kelp novels in oceans where the aforementioned kelp is native. 

3. Coffee Shops

Deliberately leave your book behind in a coffee shop, provided that it is appropriate for all ages, appeals to all people, and is not controversial by any stretch of the imagination. Consider placing the book on an empty table in a centrally located position within the room. This ensures that it will be exposed to only the most dedicated of customers, namely, those of whom are willing to sit in the middle of the Cafe. 

With all of these strategies, it should only take mere years to make a single sale. If you would like to digitally purchase or sample my first collection of poetry (titled Farm Ramblings), click here. If you prefer the paper edition, click here.

End Note: I do not condone any activity that involves littering the environment with kelp, kelp paper, or squid ink.